Random Thoughts..
Sunday, April 17, 2011
 
Tiger parenting and all that.

Amy Chua's Battle Hym of The Tiger Mother gets the following summary on Flipkart.

A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids. They wonder what Chinese parents do to produce so many math whizzes and music prodigies, what it's like inside the family, and whether they could do it too. Well, I can tell them, because I've done it… 

Amy Chua's daughters, Sophia and Louisa (Lulu) were polite, interesting and helpful, they had perfect school marks and exceptional musical abilities. The Chinese-parenting model certainly seemed to produce results. But what happens when you do not tolerate disobedience and are confronted by a screaming child who would sooner freeze outside in the cold than be forced to play the piano? Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother is a story about a mother, two daughters, and two dogs. It was supposed to be a story of how Chinese parents are better at raising kids than Western ones. But instead, it's about a bitter clash of cultures, a fleeting taste of glory, and how you can be humbled by a thirteen-year-old. Witty, entertaining and provocative, this is a unique and important book that will transform your perspective of parenting forever.

And Amazon has interesting reviews.

I have that curious position of reading a book, this book, which is obviously on 'parenting' rather than 'culture' and, observing other parents within the friend and family circle. A large part of the blogospheric comments that bordered on hysterical rejection and aggression had issues with the methods that Amy Chua talks about. Alternatively, I find that are expectations from her children are something that parents and would-be parents should think deeply about. Of late I've started to notice a kind of 'soft parenting' which, while shying away from hard expectations, also puts in place a feeling of 'being entitled'. Kids whose parents can afford it tend to get a bit more pampered, getting things and material comforts easily (there's sometimes a guilt trip "We never could afford this when we were young") and that sometimes has the side effect of taking away the sense of being responsible and of learning accountablity. Kids, however much the parents try, cannot be "made to be best" ie. manufacturing excellent kids is perhaps an impossible aim. Parents don't shy away from attempting that though :)

The problem with the book is that it would creatively pigeon-hole/stereotype the author as the dysfunctional Asian mother. And yet for me, the underlying area where parents set expectations in the areas of life that aren't usually neatly talked about as excelling in academics in sports/academics - those areas of being responsible, understanding responsiblity, need for self-discipline, a need to be morally upright - those are interesting aspects. I am not surprised at the polarity of the reactions that the book generated - the writing/content is aimed to be that. Just that it hasn't actually spurred the mommy/daddy/parent bloggers to start discussing how to help their kids be righteous - especially in these times when smaller acts of corruption happen in everyday life. Sometimes in front of the children themselves.

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